When Does a Grown Man Cry?

Everything was OK at first.

When I pulled up to the curb, the small group ahead of me appeared to be dropping someone off at the airport – just like I was. But then it happened. First one… then the other… crumpled before me.
Arms embraced in a desperate attempt to hold on
for a moment longer… just another moment…

The man closest to my car had his head buried against the chest of the other – and when he raised it up, the anguish and pain on his face was too much to bear. I looked away with respect, and in remembrance of the many tears I have shed over Goodbyes with loved ones.
Two teenagers a few steps away watched awkwardly, yet I could see that they, too were deeply moved.

On the way home, a common phrase kept echoing in my head;
“Grown men don’t cry”, and I wondered who came up with such a ridiculous notion.
These four guys at the airport – their ages ranged from 30s – 50s, and they looked like the kind of guys you’d see at a bar after a long day at the construction site. There was nothing unmanly or immature about them.

So, the question posed to my self was
” When do grown men cry? ”
and the answer echoed back;
” In the solace of silence. ”
Now I can’t help but wonder if, in a room of 100 men over the age of 25,
that at least 98 would raise their hand if I asked them (with eyes closed)
“Who in here has sat in their car – sobbing in tears?”
And those last two I would wonder if they either didn’t own a car or were just lying because they didn’t trust that everyone had their eyes closed

I get it – I think we all get it;
men AND women have been convinced that men aren’t very emotional creatures.
Great. Thanks for the stereotype and labeling. I love labels. They’re great for putting people into boxes, promoting mediocrity, and neutering possibilities & potential.
So, riddle me this, people.
How do you think men react when they feel emotional?
(Hint 1: remember that time we talked about how men aren’t very emotional? )
((Hint 2: did we mention that men showing emotions is seen as weak?))
(((Don’t try to argue against Hint #2 – it’s still ingrained in us)))
Put another way, what if you were told your entire life that smart guys were good at math -
and all your life you struggled with math?
I’ll bet you would avoid situations that involved a lot of math.
You’d probably change the subject when anything math related came up.
You might even tease other people who were really really good at math!

Because you didn’t want others to know you were dumb.
(Yes, you’re dumb – “They” said smart guys = good at math = not being good at math = dumb. Keep up.)
You didn’t want other people – especially women – to think you weren’t smart.
And you sure as heck didn’t want other guys to know you were somehow “less than” them.
In a nutshell, most men don’t handle feeling feelings very well because we weren’t taught how to.
On top of that, we were trained by society, if not at home, that we shouldn’t have that many to begin with, that it shouldn’t be an issue, and that we could just shake them off (which indicates that they really shouldn’t be there in the first place).
Now, here is where one of man’s greatest fears is about to play out;
LETTING YOU DOWN.
IF you think I have a “solution” to this situation – I don’t.
I could come up with plenty of suggestions and wishful thinking
We all could.

WHAT IF…
Maybe this post was just so that I could tell you that I’ve been that guy at the airport – holding desperately to a loved one for just one more precious moment… in tears… in anguish…

IT ISN’T.
My tears come after I’ve left the driveway, the airport… after I’ve said my stoic ‘Goodbye’…
Tonight I actually made it home and to my desk before the waves hit. Rare.
After three hours and twelve tissues, I must bring this to a close -
painfully aware of that nagging voice that says “DO NOT POST THIS!”.

Yet in these final words, an almost bittersweet of jealousy and shame.

I am jealous of that man at the airport who did not hold back his emotions of the moment,
and I am ashamed that I held back such a gift of Love – and have done so most of my life.

I was the lesser man… by far the lesser man.

.