Do you like the way it hurts?
A while ago now I caught
the opening lines to a song:
“Just gonna stand there
and watch me burn
that’s alright because
I like the way it hurts…”
For those of you who know
the rest of the song,
or even know what the song is about -
you’ll have to forgive me:
this is the only part I heard.
It’s all I needed to hear.
“Because I like the way it hurts…”
I think that’s why a great many people choose
to stay down and accept their “circumstances”.
They have reached a point where pain and failure
have become comfortable & frequent friends,
and draw to themselves in word and deed
those things that would cause and create
the supposed circumstances that hold them.
Probably not what you were expecting
me to say about this part of a song, huh?
I warned you -
it’s just a few words
pulled out of context.
“Because I like the way it hurts…”
As strange as it sounds, it reminds me of a
canker sore I had. It stung & hurt whenever
I ran my tongue over it – and yet at the same
time there was a sort of comfort in it after a while.
Sort of a pleasure in the pain, if you will.
(No, I am not a masochist)
I think you and I both know people
who seem to bounce from one “drama”
to the next – always in some kind of turmoil.
Yet it doesn’t look like they’re purposely
trying to screw their life up – really !
But if you pay attention to their speech
you’ll find so many little things said that
work to erode any sort of real happiness.
And so many of their actions cause them to
trip back 2 steps while trying to move forward.
“Because I like the way it hurts…”
I saw a sign not too long ago
that said “Soar to New Heights”.
(I think it was in front of a church)
Now, at first – I’d think that sounds great !
Heck yeah – soar to new heights, count me IN !
But you know, there are many who would,
on a deeper level, find that a scary proposition.
SOAR to new heights?
I can barely crawl…
NEW heights?
I can’t even handle what I’ve got!
HEIGHTS ?!?!?
I fall all the time now -
it’s only gong to hurt more from higher up !
Best just to stay put,
because really -
I like the way it hurts.
Besides -
It’s comfortable
I know it well
it’s familiar.
What’s interesting is that tonight
I can use myself as a great example.
It’s been several days now since I
first heard those lyrics, and do you
know why you’re only now reading it ?
Thanks to distractions & procrastination,
I’ve had plenty of good reasons and excuses
that have kept me from writing you – and kept
me from sharing so many things from you.
And somehow the frustration & guilt of
not doing what I know I should be has
become a tolerable if not enjoyable pain.
Perhaps I am a sort of masochist after all.
“Just gonna stand there
and watch me burn
that’s alright because
I like the way it hurts…”
So… This isn’t something I really wanted
to face or confront at 2:30 in the morning.
It should be interesting to see where it goes.
You know, it’s really too bad you couldn’t
weigh in and share a bit with me right now.
I mean, I see the evidence of this in others
A LOT, but I don’t think they see it.
I often wonder if you do.
It’s…
Well it’s a tough thing to bring up.
I mean, how do you say
“Hey, did you know that all this X and Y
stuff that keeps “happening to you” is
because you keep making it happen?
(Because you like the way it hurts)
People tend to get all defensive
when you break the news to them
that they are responsible for their lives.
I know – I’m a people, too !
Speaking of people,
I didn’t want to bring this up -
but it needs to be said, so I must.
I had a friend once who was what many
would consider a whiner – plain and straight.
Now you that know me understand that I am a “fixer”.
You tell me you have a problem, and my reaction
is to try and come up with solutions & answers.
Took me a long time to really get that sometimes
people just want to share & be listened to;
to know you care & will hear them out.
NOT TO BE THEIR SAVIOR & FIX IT ALL !
But let me digress.
My friend…
Long story short, she always had complaints -
always whined and woe’d about them to people.
Silly me stepped in and started fixing them.
And… I created a new set of problems.
She was running out of things to whine about!
No longer could she receive the sympathy
and the attention of friends, family & others.
The very means to which she gathered and
gained her sense of importance – even love -
was being taken away from her.
Not long after she found reason to
fade into the sunset; I wish her well…
So, back to the burn.
I think what we should do is find out
what you like about the hurt;
What does it give you that
makes it worth keeping in place?
And if you can be honest with those answers,
ask yourself is it really worth the cost??
Because I really don’t want to stand idly by
as you burn yourself time and time again -
professing that you “like the way it hurts”
when it’s coming at such a high price…
