Some things never change…

I was going to start off by saying the revelation I’ve had in
visiting my parents & seeing old friends after too many years
is that I am seen as the same kid I was over 25 years ago.

But… it’s not much of a revelation.
It’s just that now you get to hear a few thoughts on it.
And before I’m done here, who knows what may come.

I’ve always been a fixer.
As a kid I’d take things apart, try to figure out how they
worked, and put them back together again – or better yet,
make something way cooler.  I did the same thing with cars.
It even became an occupation.

Fast forward after high school & tech school.
And by the way – hang in there if this next part seems a bit… off.
I’m compelled to share it at this point, so apparently it needs to be said.

One night during a frustrating and heated discussion with my wife,
there came a moment of breakdown and she asked me;
“Do you want me to leave?” and in exasperation & without thinking -
I said; “I don’t care.”

The next day I came home from work, and she was gone.
Packed up & out – and I never saw her again.
At the age of 20, you might say this was a bit… life changing.
Up to that point I was just living life like everyone else.

It was only a matter of months before I realized I could not
take being around everything that reminded me not only of her,
but the incredible failure that was mine in becoming divorced.

When the opportunity came to move far away, I grabbed it.
My new career was to be in the forestry service in Washington state.
I wanted not only to be far away, but far away from people.
That plan died shortly after when I found what the requirements were :)~
Apparently they wanted me to have degrees in forestry related stuff
and actually know something about forestry & the outdoors. Crazy.

What was becoming clear to me was that I wasn’t going to escape Life
as I had wanted to, and also that there was something wrong with me.
I’d felt like an outcast all my life, so the “evidence” was there.

So, I’m a fixer, right?
Guess what I set out to fix?
Yep:
Me.

I KNOW !  About time, right?!?!

So while most young adults were out there partying, socializing,
starting their careers, starting families – your “normal” Life stuff -
I was studying psychology & human behavior, learning about what
“successful” people do and don’t do.  I poured over relationship
books & educational materials. I even managed to pour a bit of
religious study into the mix for good measure.  At one point I
was even training to teach various techniques & courses in the
arena of human development & transformation technology !

Wait… Teach? Me?!?!?

What I forgot to mention earlier, and what any of you who know
me already knows, is that in addition to being a “fixer”
I am a helper.

So it was only natural that along the line my search to fix myself
would result in being able to see those things in others that
hold them back from being the person they truly want to be -
and the magnificent things they are capable of doing.

And of course I would want to help them by sharing that with them !
The same goes for physical well being, health and nutrition.
All part of building a better me, hence building a better you

So now we come to the part that’s frustrating.

Most of the people who have benefitted the most
from what I’ve spent half of my life doing
are strangers.
Well, let me correct that; WERE strangers.
And though I am grateful and appreciative of this,
what saddens and frustrates me every day – is that those who
I have known most of my life; especially friends & family
just see me as Rob.

I’m just Rob.
The quiet guy who likes to write.
I have no prefixes or suffixes to my name, no plaques on a wall
or parchments declaring my vast “education” or mental worth.

So I’m not often listened to by familiar ears wanting to hear anything
other than the typical conversation points most people cover.

And it’s very hard to sit back and watch people you love
and care for suffer in so many ways, both now and later -
knowing you have solutions to the problems they face.

It’s like standing in the road waving a DANGER!!! sign in front
of people you know because the bridge ahead is washed out -
and they just drive around you, smiling & waving, because…
well, because it’s just you.  Standing in the road.
What do you know? You’re just in the way…

And again and again,
it’s like watching train wreck
after train wreck in slow motion.

Now there is much I’ve shared here that I’ve hesitated to share
for many years now.  After all, the world doesn’t need to know
my history or past; they carry more than enough of their own!

Yet, each of us has gone through experiences that, if shared,
could prevent another from fumbling and falling in their own Life.

So all in all, what I would take away from this is
that we can never be sure where the Message
may come from that we really need to hear,
and it may very well look different than
what we wanted and expected it to be.

And as some wise person once said;

“Never judge a book by its cover”