Live Happily Ever After; Before, and During…

I thought I’d switch gears here,
and talk about “relationships”.

So, this whole boy / girl / love thing -
let’s skip past the first part (meeting).

Let’s talk about the fall…

What I’ve observed is that the first months
of any relationship both parties are really
pouring on the charm & pulling out the stops
while at the same time throwing out little “tests”
for the other person to see how they’ll react.

Over time, more testing, a little bit less of the
“pouring it on” taking place and a little more
catching up in the areas of life being neglected.
As a certain comfort level with one another grows,
it becomes important to gain a sense of balance.

Typically each person has been giving so much in
the beginning that they’ve lost a bit of themselves.
So, as comfort – even security- in the other grows,
so does the need to gain back the independence.
Part of the the time and attention lavished on the
other may be redirected toward friends, work, hobbies;
things that were important before the new found love.

Things that more than likely were cause in creating
the person with whom we’ve become affectionate with.
To eliminate them would be to dismiss a part of
someone’s life – a life we now care deeply for.

It doesn’t have to mean that they care any less for us.

Now, as we move a bit more into our familiar environment
we can also begin to see a bit more objectively those
things about a person that might not be… desirable.

We can weigh these things more logically only when our
hearts and emotions are not as completely wrapped up
in the other person, as in the beginning stages.
Men will usually do this sooner than women.

And most women will react when this happens with
“What’s wrong?” as if there is something wrong
and that this isn’t simply a progression of most
any and every relationship throughout time.
The severity of the reaction is often a reflection
of how the woman perceives herself as a whole,
and the more fragile the self esteem is
the quicker “what’s wrong” becomes
“What’s wrong with me?”.

Interestingly enough, when the woman is the first
to enter the more logical stages, she is typically
far more forgiving and tolerating than the man.
She far more likely to turn a blind eye to
many things that others would warn her about.

BY NO MEANS am I saying this applies only to women,
because I’ll bet you could tell me stories of both
men and women you know who you just shake your
head and wonder “Why are they together?!?!?”.

And if you’re brave enough to ask them,
you’ll get answers like “They’re not that bad” or
they’ll throw out some redeeming feature meant
to make the “red flags” not so red…

More like, let’s say rose colored glasses…

Still, the fall slows.

Forces such as doubt, fear, uncertainty -
all pushing against the falling in love;
keeping the heart from committing itself fully.

And…

the question that keeps begging to be asked
Do we push forward ?
Or do we push away ?

We all have our own scales that we weigh the
pros & positives against the cons & negatives.
If we accept a person for who they are,
Will these red flags and “flaws” plant
themselves and eventually take root -
causing a deeper resentment over time ?

Do we take the risk of pursuing the passion
with the hope that a love will grow that
might transcend & overcome any challenge ?

Do we look at the long term,
or do we live in the moment ?

Do we settle for someone we can live with,
or hold out for someone we can’t live without ?

And how long do we search
before we decide to settle down… or settle for ?

Such a quandary…

So let me skip to the “Happily ever after”part.
Because I think the order is all wrong.

Let this soak in, because I think it will help.

The “chances” of being in and falling in Love
will increase a thousandfold if you can let go
of believing that your happiness is and will be
determined by you being in love…

Happily ever after
boy meets girl
fall in love.

The End.

I’m sorry you had to wait so long to get to this part,
but the real gem in all of this is that if you are
looking for love and if you are expecting, hoping,
wanting love from another to make you happy -
that is putting a LOT of pressure on them !

And when people are under pressure,
they typically pull away.

And what will you do ?
You’ll pursue !

STOP IT !!!

Stop letting your happiness be determined by another.

Just
stop.

Did you stop ?

OK, good.

Now that you have -
here is what you’ll find.

The quality and caliber of people
who will be attracted to someone who
walks this Life creating and holding
Happiness within REGARDLESS of
where they walk or with whom;
THOSE are the kind of people
who would kindle and create
“and they lived happily ever after”

In addition, you’ll meet some amazing people
and make a few friends along the way…

I should mention starting in the mirror?